Big-eared, balding man a total cuck

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In a statement of pure shame and humiliation on Thursday, Sept. 28, area man Jon Dunham admitted to reporters that he's a total cuck.

"I wake up balls early every day and drink two cups of coffee, put on an expensive suit and cologn, and drive my fancy Acura thirty minutes to downtown Denver," reported the embarrassed dumbo-looking motherfucker. "When I get there, I sit in an expensive office chair and proceed to just be a total cuck."

"I sometimes feel like I sold the prime of my life in exchange for money, and even though my family is doing extremely well, I sometimes lay awake, wide-eyed in bed, wondering if I wasted my 20s on achieving a sense of upper class that my family doesn't even appreciate," said the balding man who compensates for a lack of hair follicles with a fancy watch and only drinking beer when his delinquent son comes to town.

Sources went on to confirm that Dunham went on to "knock out a couple of power points" and "shoot off a few emails" during the course of his Sunday morning, and that he was wearing khaki shorts the entire time.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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