Garrett Poston seen having sexual intercourse with teammate Carson Loser
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Garrett Poston, 17, Carson Loser, 17, were caught having sexual intercourse in a porta-potty outside of the construction zone of CCHS, by, none other than Coach Brent Kunefke. The two were said to have been fighting over the last couple days, and avoiding one another in school. “They have always been together. For as long as I can remember. The fighting that has been going on between the two is very unusual.” says friend of the highschool couple, Kory Robinson. After being caught, the boys were interviewed together, and separately. When Carson was being interviewed, he told them that the sex was consensual, and that neither of them were sober. In fact, each of them had taken 500mg of LSD 3 hours prior. He was also asked why the porta-potty was the “go to spot” and his response is shocking. “Well we just really like to spice things up. We’ve done it in sewers, re-enacted Stephen King’s brilliant novel IT. Great movie, have to see it. Anyways, yea we love to get frisky.” When Garrett was interviewed he had a very different response... “Um. To be honest, we did have intercourse. It was make up sex though. We had been fighting because I had seen him flirting with one of his really close friends Cole Speed. I don’t have a problem with him, in fact I wish he could’ve joined in on the fun... but Carson is mine. Not anyone else’s. And I wanted to show him that.” When Coach Kunefke found the two, he said he could hear the words “if the porta-potty’s rocking, don’t come a-knocking” famous words from the infamous Will Ferrel movie The Campaign. “Oh yea. That line. Hilarious. Just comedy gold by Will Ferrell.” Says Loser when he is asked about the remarks. The two have been suspended from the baseball team, and Garrett Postons scholarship has been revoked. “Nah we don’t regret it. Just apart of life. People are going to have to learn that this stuff happens. But let me be clear, this was not a mistake. We will be back, better than ever.”
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.