West Side Botched Robbery Gone Terribly Wrong!!!
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Three men in connection to an incident that happened today, on the city’s West end, Leaves all three men in a “never seen before” condition, which was how it was explained by officials this after noon.
John Paul Derringer and 2 more men in connection to the crime whom officials are not yet releasing the names of, are In custody at this time.
Authorities say the three men walked up to a man on the west end of the city, and produced a knife on the victim and demanded nutty bars from Walgreens stores. In a shock to the victim, which he explained that his mind wasn’t properly processing the demands from the three suspects, thought to himself that these guys have got to be kidding me. The three men again stated Nutty Bars were what they needed and specifically from Walgreens. The three men then ordered the victim to run them to, what another resident explained in the neighborhood as the “Sto” to get the goods for the three. The victim then did something we’ve never seen done before.
Instead of following the directions of the suspects, the victim then looked directly at one of the suspects with a “serious” face, and said in a very soft tone “It’s time for the percolator” then proceeded to do this old school Chicago dance. The three said that they had then looked at each other and was convinced that they had liked the dance and attempted it several times themselves. One big percolating, robbery style party, with both victim and suspects. Police have released one photo of the Percolater himself, the victim, earlier in the news. Mr Percolater then drew a weapon of his own while the robbers were distracted with this dance and used his mobile phone to reach out to authorities.
One of the three men arrested stated that he really wanted to battle the victim before he robbed him anyway. He had heard about his “Footwork” from another associate, whom is not connected to this crime. Authorities are questioning if the suspects had bumped their heads thinking they could even “fuck with the victim doing the Percolater.” Meaning that the victim couldn’t match their Percolating talents. When authorities arrived they said they had never seen such a club scene for a robbery. He mentioned that he needed to be pinched because he couldn’t believe that the suspects would even think they had a chance. We’ll continue to follow this story!
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.